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Post by Mandochris on Feb 17, 2012 15:24:13 GMT
My neighbour knocked on my door at 2:30 this morning, can you believe that? 2:30am? Luckily for him I was still up playing my Bagpipes.
The Grim Reaper came for me last night, and I beat him off with a vacuum cleaner. Talk about Dyson with death.
Paddy says, "Mick, I'm thinking of buying a Labrador. "Really?" says Mick "Have you seen how many of their owners go blind"
I saw a poor old lady fall over today on the ice!! At least I presume she was poor - she only had £1.20 in her purse.
My girlfriend thinks that I'm a stalker. Well, she's not exactly my girlfriend yet.
Woke up last night to find the ghost of Gloria Gaynor standing at the foot of my bed. At first I was afraid, then I was petrified.
The wife has been missing a week now. Police said to prepare for the worst. So I have been to the charity shop to get all her clothes back.
I went to the cemetery yesterday to lay some flowers on a grave. As I was standing there I noticed 4 grave diggers walking about with a coffin, 3 hours later and they're still walking about with it. I thought to myself, "These guys have lost the plot!"
My daughter asked me for a pet spider for her birthday, so I went to our local pet shop and they were £70. "Blow this," I thought, "I can get one cheaper off the web."
Statistically, 6 out of 7 dwarves are not happy.
I was at an ATM yesterday when a little old lady asked if I could check her balance, so I pushed her over.
I start a new job in Seoul next week. I thought it was a good Korea move.
I was driving this morning when I saw an RAC van parked on the side of the road. The driver was sobbing uncontrollably and looked very miserable. I thought to myself, "That guy's heading for a breakdown."
I just met a fat, alcoholic, transvestite. He wants to eat, drink, and be Mary.
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Post by happyjack on Feb 17, 2012 15:27:22 GMT
Tommy Cooper was a bona fide genius. His delivery was perfect
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Post by theallseeingeye on Feb 17, 2012 15:37:22 GMT
These aren't all TC's are they? Sure a few are Tim Vine's.
Never heard this one before: Woke up last night to find the ghost of Gloria Gaynor standing at the foot of my bed. At first I was afraid, then I was petrified.
Love it!
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Post by Furry Frank The Combat Wombat on Feb 17, 2012 15:42:14 GMT
No2 has several layers, depending on how you look at it.
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Post by Mandochris on Feb 17, 2012 16:03:33 GMT
I think not TC, that's why I titled it "spirit" of TC. Very like him, but I think he was long gone before Dyson invented hoovers.*
* Yes, I know.
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Post by THE BEAST on Feb 17, 2012 16:04:34 GMT
No2 has several layers, depending on how you look at it. You sick bastard… Now I've seen it as well! |
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Post by Sir B3na1i on Feb 17, 2012 16:14:02 GMT
No2 has several layers, depending on how you look at it. You sick bastard… Now I've seen it as well! Yep that J-Dog he's got a great knack of pointing out that stuff, he should have an alter-ego... |
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Post by channonite on Feb 17, 2012 16:15:00 GMT
These aren't all TC's are they? Sure a few are Tim Vine's. Never heard this one before: Woke up last night to find the ghost of Gloria Gaynor standing at the foot of my bed. At first I was afraid, then I was petrified. Love it! Tim Vine = One Line Comedy Genius |
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Post by theallseeingeye on Feb 17, 2012 17:39:53 GMT
No2 has several layers, depending on how you look at it. Whats wrong with you man!! |
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Post by theallseeingeye on Feb 17, 2012 17:40:36 GMT
These aren't all TC's are they? Sure a few are Tim Vine's. Never heard this one before: Woke up last night to find the ghost of Gloria Gaynor standing at the foot of my bed. At first I was afraid, then I was petrified. Love it! Tim Vine = One Line Comedy Genius My absolute fav comic right now. |
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Post by Furry Frank The Combat Wombat on Feb 17, 2012 20:36:08 GMT
No2 has several layers, depending on how you look at it. Whats wrong with you man!! It's not me, it's IM™  |
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