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Post by Mandochris on Dec 15, 2011 13:50:22 GMT
I was in this hotel last week and I couldn't sleep at all. There was this gorgeous women banging on my door all night. There was no way I was going to let her out.
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Post by Sir B3na1i on Dec 16, 2011 17:06:31 GMT
It's that time of year again when the fat bastard comes and delivers presents to the kids... I really hate the mother-in-law
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Post by lostboy on Jan 6, 2012 9:10:42 GMT
Just had a phonecall saying my wife's been admitted to hospital. The doctor told me she's critical. I said not to worry, you soon get used to that.
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Post by lostboy on Jan 6, 2012 9:11:09 GMT
I went to Tescos with my wife yesterday and she called me a lazy swine. I almost fell out the trolley
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stripes
International
We still hate you Bailey (and Mariner)
Posts: 1,201
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Post by stripes on Jan 6, 2012 10:15:14 GMT
What do we want? A cure for Tourettes When do we want it? W4nker
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Post by Furry Frank The Combat Wombat on Jan 6, 2012 10:56:38 GMT
What do we want? A cure for Tourettes When do we want it? W4nker
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Post by lostboy on Jan 6, 2012 13:34:15 GMT
I met a gypsy lass in a nightclub last night and she said she was going to take me back to her place for a good time....
.... She wasn't kidding; dodgems, hook-a-duck, hall of mirrors.
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Post by saintpaddy on Jan 6, 2012 21:20:32 GMT
Mrs was suggesting some very expensive plastic surgery to enlarge her bust. Being a mean bastard I suggested a cheaper option. I said:-
"Get a piece of tissue and wipe it between your tits twice every day"
Wife - "will that enlarge my bust"?
Me- "Well it worked with your arse"
SMACK!!!!!
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Post by lostboy on Jan 9, 2012 16:43:47 GMT
This girl I know walked into the dry cleaners to get her dress cleaned. The assistant is a bit deaf and said come again? Girl blushes and says its yogurt this time.
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Post by Mandochris on Jan 9, 2012 18:26:53 GMT
I spent £5000 on a boob job my wife. She was delighted. I spent another £2000 on a nose job for her. She was ecstatic. I spent £2000 on liposuction and she was over the moon. I spent £50 on a blow job for myself and she went fecking mental.
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Post by lostboy on Jan 12, 2012 13:48:00 GMT
Just back from a holiday in Thailand and I came so close to shagging a lady boy. Looked like a lady, walked like a lady, talked like a lady, kissed like a lady. It was when she drove me back to her place and reversed her car into a space first time I thought, "hang on."
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Post by Rags on Jan 12, 2012 14:30:17 GMT
My window cleaner knocked at the door this morning ... Shouting and Swearing ..... I thought feck me this coont's lost his rag........
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Post by lostboy on Jan 12, 2012 16:45:37 GMT
"Welcome to Ready Steady Cook. So Anthony you had £5 to spend, what do you have in your bag?"
"Fern, I've got organic chicken, langoustines, rice, stock, wine, scallops, onions, garlic, stilton, brie, goats cheese, 3 bottles of Cava and some brandy and I have £2.74 left over."
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Post by lostboy on Jan 16, 2012 10:23:33 GMT
Yesterday I received a text from a bored housewife looking for some action. Eager to please the young lady I sent her my ironing. That should keep her quiet for a while.
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Post by cowboydreams on Jan 16, 2012 11:23:03 GMT
My Nan walked in on me having a bank the other day. She was so shocked she had a stroke. I couldn’t believe how soft her hands were.
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