|
Post by Rags on Jan 16, 2012 13:41:01 GMT
After landing myself in jail I spent the first 4 hours getting relentlessly bummed. . . I think my mates take monopoly far too seriously
|
|
|
Post by lostboy on Jan 16, 2012 17:13:25 GMT
I phoned up the local model shop, asked if they had any italian cruise ships.
Apparently they have one left, so I asked them to put it to one side for me
|
|
|
Post by Rags on Jan 17, 2012 8:59:47 GMT
WOMEN... A real woman is a man's best friend. She will never stand him up and never let him down. She will reassure him when he feels insecure and comfort him after a bad day. She will inspire him to do things he never thought he could do; to live without fear and forget regret. She will enable him to express his deepest emotions and give in to his most intimate desires. She will make sure he always feels as though he's the most handsome man in the room and will enable him to be the most confident, sexy, seductive and invincible..................., NO WAIT....SORRY...I'm thinking of whiskey..... It's whiskey that does all that shit......
|
|
|
Post by Furry Frank The Combat Wombat on Jan 17, 2012 11:27:59 GMT
|
|
|
Post by lostboy on Jan 17, 2012 13:26:43 GMT
Just been watching the news regarding the stricken cruise ship. The presenter said "she's lying on her side with a gash the size of a tennis court". All I did was glance at the wife and it all kicked off!
|
|
|
Post by lostboy on Jan 18, 2012 10:22:16 GMT
I Just bought a Lottery ticket...
First prize a cruise around the Med...
last week was a rollover
|
|
|
Post by Rags on Jan 19, 2012 11:26:22 GMT
Met a girl with a plasticine fanny last week. Haven't shagged her yet but I think I've made an impression
|
|
|
Post by lostboy on Jan 19, 2012 13:51:39 GMT
I bought a box of cadbury's half coated mini animal biscuits. On the side, it said "Do Not Eat if the Seal is Broken". I opened the packet and sure enough...
|
|
|
Post by lostboy on Feb 10, 2012 9:16:13 GMT
Have you seen the 2012 Cabinet Ministers calender?
It's really sexy;
there's a c*n* on every page.
|
|
|
Post by Furry Frank The Combat Wombat on Feb 10, 2012 9:39:24 GMT
After landing myself in jail I spent the first 4 hours getting relentlessly bummed. . . I think my mates take monopoly far too seriously You say that in jest' but: I was once kicked in the face during a game of Monopoly.
|
|
|
Post by lostboy on Feb 21, 2012 10:36:49 GMT
A pound coin was thrown onto the pitch at Fratton Park today. Police are trying to work out if it was a missile or a takeover bid.
|
|
|
Post by lostboy on Mar 23, 2012 9:16:45 GMT
I went to the pub last night and there was this fat girl dancing on a table. I walked passed and said "Amazing legs" The girl giggled and said with a smile "Do you really think so" I said "Definitely, most tables would have collapsed by now"!
|
|
|
Post by Sir B3na1i on Mar 23, 2012 9:21:02 GMT
My Sat Nav is on the blink, I can't find Manchester anywhere in Europe
|
|
|
Post by Furry Frank The Combat Wombat on Mar 23, 2012 14:13:14 GMT
Not a text joke, but:
When we were out to dinner this week, one of our mates was complaining that he had to visit a tampon factory the next day.
So I consoled him, "At least it will be absorbing".
|
|
|
Post by hiddenhedgeender on Mar 23, 2012 18:07:35 GMT
Anorexia is not something to be taken lightly.
|
|